CV Mistakes: The good, the bad, and the funny.

By November 24, 2016Uncategorized
CV Mistakes- The good, the bad, and the funny.

Our last post dealt with interview mistakes that have happened which meant the candidates didn’t get the job. However, some candidates never even get that far. These CV blunders are some of the best that we can find out on the internet. We hope you enjoy, and remember – always proof read your CV or get someone reliable to proof read it for you. To make it easier we have grouped them into relevant sections that – well… you can learn from.

Damn you auto-correct (and other text-based mistakes);

Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

“I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

“Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”

My sister-in-law misspelled the word “proofreading” in her skill set.

“I am great with the pubic.”

“Revolved customer problems and inquiries.”

“Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”

“Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”

“Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”

Experience: “Chapter president, 1887-1992.”

Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”

Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”

Resume: “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.”

Qualifications: “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”

A resume listed a skill as “being bi-lingual in three languages”

“Please find the attached resume that highlights all my kills.”

Wage desired: “menemum”

“someone writing the entire résumé without a single capital letter.”

“cleaned up after every shift” ( …but without the ‘f’)

“Visa to work in the US?” Applicant wrote “no, Mastercard.”

Applicant listed experience as a “Cock, Food Prep/Pizza Maker” (HuffPost)

 

Honesty is not always the best policy;

“I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”

Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”

Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”

Hobbies: “Drugs and girls”.

Candidate explained an arrest by stating, “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

Favorite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”

Qualifications: “I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”

Objective: “I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.”

Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”

Salary desired: “Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.”

Objective: “What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.”

“Objective: Ideal position would be businessman, with $18,000 to $250,000 in salary…”

Under ‘Have you ever been convicted of a felony’: “Yes… Arson. Will explain in interview.”

Interests: “eating, smoking, smoking weed, playing cod.”

Why do you want to work with us? “2 get dat $$$.”

 

Why? Just Why?

Candidate included a letter from his mother.

Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using her words.

Candidate wrote résumé as a play – Act 1, Act 2, etc.

Candidate included naked picture of himself.

A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com

Candidate included family medical history.

“nine-page cover letter accompanied by a four-page résumé”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

On one of our applications, a girl wrote ” I’m 16, I’m pregnant and I can do anything.” At the same time she turned in her application, her boyfriend handed in his. On his: “Felony for breaking and entering.” (Ask Annie’s)

Each line had one bold word that formed a “hidden” message about how great the applicant would be for the position

A resume etched into a wooden cutting board

Many small teddy bears and daisies adorned the edges of the pink paper (used for the resume)

Candidate called himself a genius and invited the hiring manager to interview him at his apartment.

Resume consisted of one sentence: “Hire me, I’m awesome.”

Resume was submitted from a person the company just fired.

Resume included pictures of the candidate from baby photos to adulthood.

“Guy wrote his entire resume and application IN RHYME.”

“A dude included his personal website URL, which had rantings about beating women and the elderly.”

“Someone applying to my friend’s lab had noted his email was ‘idontstealbeakers@domain.com’”

“I don’t need maternity leave like a woman. I don’t go shopping on my lunch breaks like a woman. I don’t have mood swings once a month like a woman. I don’t gossip about people like a woman.”

“On his resume was a huge picture of his face. It took up at least 40% of the page. Under his face were his credentials in what must have been at least 8pt font size.”

 

Bad traits and Poor accomplishments

“Able to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.”

“I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”

Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”

Bad traits: “I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”

References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”

Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.”

Special skills: “I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.”

Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”

Hobbies: Eyebrow tweezing

Resume listed the candidate’s online video gaming experience leading warrior “clans,” suggesting this passed for leadership experience.

Under management experience: “Dungeon Master”

“An applicant listed “sarcasm” as a hobby/skill/interest. He got the job… One of the best employees I’ve ever had.”

Skills: “Can make perfect velociraptor call.”

“interviewed a young mechanical engineer major who listed training her cat to use the toilet as an achievement”

“a guy put his P90x certification under certifications on an IT resume”

Skills: Magic the Gathering

“Corporate relations director at his fraternity”

Skills: “Yeah I got ’em”

 

Job Histories.

“1990 – 1997: Stewardess – Royal Air Force”

“Service for old man to check they are still alive or not

Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”

References: “Please do not contact my immediate supervisor at the company. My colleagues will give me a better reference.”

Listed “Worked with my dad building things. Worked with my mum cleaning the house,” as past experience

Candidate listed experience as a “Marijuana Dealer and Nefarious Dude”

“Previous Work Experience: Skateboarder from 1980’s to present time. Job duties include hanging out with friends, drinking, smoking, doing tricks such as ollying…”

Last job: Plumber. Reason for leaving: “Couldn’t plumb.”

Job Experience: Hymen Checker on Australian Sheep Farm. “When I asked him about it he said he just wanted to see if people actually read his resume.”

“He had no college education, so in the space on the application for college and on his resume he put the Latin for “no college education.” It sounded very fancy and prestigious in Latin, so he got the job.”

“One guy went on length about how he helped build the international space station as an intern. Did he mean helped in it? No, he claimed to literally be on the floor while the pieces were being manufactured and was sent to various countries to oversee the process… all during a summer internship.”

“Please do not call my last employer as a reference–he was the owner of the small company I worked for, and I was involved with him. His wife learned of this. I was fired to save his marriage, and he will not give a fair recommendation. Please feel free to contact [an employment 6 years prior before being unemployed for 4 years].”

 

These are some of the best (or worst!) ones we could find on the internet. We hope you had a good laugh and hopefully learnt a lesson or two.

Have a question?

Please get in touch and we will get back to you as soon as possible.

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